A Fresh New Start

So, I've found a new job. I work for Dell Customer Care. It's alright but I get some very ignorant customers. I hate to say that, and you never know, when you called Dell, I was probably the one who told you that we couldn't do anything because your warranty has expired. Sorry, it's policy. Don't take it personally.

Typically we're supposed to follow policy, but then there's the other policy that says "screw the first policy let's find a way to get around it and make these customers happy." I do try to get around policy....like today. I'm a very concession happy customer care agent. I give people free stuff all the time. Up to only 50 bucks of course, but hey, 50 bucks can go a long way! I've had some jerks, I've had some really sweet people. I had a guy tell me that if he dosn't get what he wants, he's gonna put magnetic bumper stickers all over his car that say "DELL Sucks! Want to know why? Call me" and also a billboard that says "DELL Sucks. Don't buy from DELL. Want to know why? Call me." I was laughing so hard, and I know I shouldn't have been, but I Thought it was so creative and funny. I really think he'd do it to. He could probably afford it since he's put like $20,000 into Dell. Poor guy should have gotten a SONY.

I've personally never owned a Dell, and knowing how crappy customer support is and how many tech issues people have (that are Dell related), I'll go with an HP or SONY.

Yep, so I just had to get work off of my chest. I'm going to be taking the software support classes so I can transfer over to that. I'd rather put up with customers who don't know what an icon is than people who don't realize that if they're past the 21 day return period, there's nothing we can do. You were supposed to read the returns and exchanges policy before you submitted your order. Sorry bub, better luck next time.

I'm not this ignorant with customers, but by the weekend, I'm sick of them.

So, onto other things....Dan called a couple of weeks ago, apologized for the way things ended, said he felt like we were going too fast...yet when I visited him on Monday night he asked if I wanted to "go upstairs." Ummmmm? Going to fast for ya eh? Let's just say that bit him right in the ass. I don't know, I was so head over heels for the guy and he broke my heart. I caught him making out with his friends girlfriend. They were both wasted, he put away a bottle and 1/2 of Crown by himself. But that is no excuse, he remembered the next morning and told me "not to be mad about it." WTF? Don't be mad about it? I wanted to beat the living crap out of the little whore! I'm not just saying she's a whore because she made out with my boyfriend, it takes two...but it's not the first time she's groped, touched, flirted, what have you with another guy while her boyfriend was in the bathroom. And it's always when Matt is in the bathroom that she does this crap! Whatever...I'm not going to get my heart hung up on Dan, if we can be friends and something real and true comes from it, then fine, but I'm not going to be a piece of ass for him to just toss aside when he's done with me. Not a damn chance.

So, another topic. Being single really bites. I miss having someone to call just because I wanted to say "I Love You." I miss having that security of a man who I know will be there for me and be by my side no matter what. I miss having someone to hold onto anywhere, anytime. I miss having someone telling me that I'm beautiful and no woman could ever make him happier. I miss being the one he comes home to, I miss being the one he calls on when he needs to talk or just to say hi. I miss being the one he can completly count on no matter what. I miss being close to a man that does all of the above. I miss being able to be there for a man who I love dearly and would do any damn thing in the world to please him.

Totally sappy I know, but I miss so much about being with someone. I just want to find that perfect man out there. Sure he's not going to be perfect all the time, but someone who I can just connect with and have no doubts about. I guess it's just gonna take some patience from me and an act of God. So God, if you're reading my mind right now, send me my Knight in Shining Armor to wisk me away from these dreary lands and make me his Princess.

Holy fairytale. Maybe I should write fairytales?

So, on another topic...my entire family is up back hanging out at the hunting camp and I'm here at home bored on the internet with nothing else to do. No one left me a fourwheeler to get up there with and my car sure as hell ain't gonna make it through all that mud. I wanna hang out with everyone...but noooope. Oh well, hunting season starts tomorrow so I'm sure they're all gonna go to bed early to be up before the unaware deer are. I love hunting season, that's when everyone is around.

So, another topic....JON. He's my best friend. Who knew I'd meet my best friend on and online dating site? We just made better friends than I think we would an item. I love his friendship. He's always there when I need him and the same for him. He was there for me at 3:00 in the morning when I was in hysterics because I had just caught my boyfriend in the act. He was there for me when I missed home this summer, even though we were about 100 miles away. He has been there for me through thick and thin, and I appreciate it all. Now I'm gonna get all teary eyed so I'm going to stop with that. He knows how I feel. And I know how he feels about Dan, and I do take his advice to heart and put it to work.

How about another topic?....My feet are cold. I'm like 5 feet away from the wood stove and you wouldn't know it. It's so dang cold in this corner....also by a big window that I'm sure has a draft.

Anything else? I guess not. It's a Friday night and we're all suprised that I'm home. But, I'd rather have it this way tonight. Just hanging out alone...well along with 3 pesky cats. Yea, we have 3 cats....pathetic I know, but they're cheaper than dogs... i.e. free.

Okay, I'm done for now. Have a great night everyone.

Take a Bow....

My Shattered World

I went to bed last night totally excited about this weekend. I get to see my aunt and two little cousins tomorrow (Friday), going to spend most of Saturday with my friend Jon, and I even get to see Erick too! But, this morning when I woke up....James was on my mind and I just wanted to cry. Not because I miss him, but because of the pain I felt through out our relationship.

For those of you who don't know: James is my ex boyfriend. He was controlling, boy was he ever controlling. *pauses to cry* Okay, I just bawled my eyes out. That felt good. To go on...my entire life was controlled by this guy. Just some examples:
1. I couldn't have any friends, the friends that I had, I had to stop talking to and hanging out with.
2. I had to be at his house every weekend at a certain time.
3. In the summer I had to be at his house almost every day. I harldy saw my parents & family.
4. I couldn't go to any family functions. I had to beg him to go to my moms birthday party with me and the whole time he was a dick.
5. I couldn't talk the way I wanted to talk. I had to talk like a professional.
6. I couldn't listen to the music I wanted to listen to, it had to be Christian music only.
7. I couldn't watch the shows I wanted to watch. They were "un-Christian." Yet he could watch The Bachelorette and it was okay to oogle over all the girls.
8. I had to dress a certian way. Nothing that zips, nothing baggy. Always tight fitting/sexy clothes, even if it was freezing outside...I couldn't cover up.
9. I had to have my makeup the way he wanted, and had to wear it 24/7 when I was with him, or else I looked ugly.
10. My hair had to be different every day. I had to have bangs and if it was down I couldn't tuck it behind my ears.
11. I had to cook for him every night I was there (mind you, I was only 17,18 &19).
12. If he was on the computer, I had to be on the computer. But, everything I went to had to be approved first.
13. I couldn't even wear sneakers. I had to have fashionable shoes, even if my feet killed.
14. Here's the 2nd to worst one: I couldn't eat what I wanted to eat. That's why I weighed 90-94 lbs the whole time I was with him.
15. I had to constantly have a smile on my face, even when I was just sitting there doing nothing.

That's just an idea of the shit I went through for 2 1/2 years. Not to mention the physical abuse. He didn't hit me constantly, but he did a few times and trust me, that's enough to send a girl with no self esteem right over the edge. The last time he hit me was when I finally said "Fuck this, I'm done." That was in May. It took me hours to break up with him though. I was so upset that my mom had to give me a valium. I threw up, shook and cried the entire time. I finally told him that I just couldn't do it anymore. Of course, he cried and couldn't understand why.

He called me a week after and told me that he had changed. What the fuck? A person cannot change in a week! Especially not someone like him. That guy has issues that he needs to get some help for. I seriously pray for the next girl that gets sucked in his grasp. He's a controlling, selfish and manipulative person who seriously needs professional help. He calls himself a Christian, yet he treats his girlfriend like a rag doll. Something he can controll, give commands to and it won't bark back.

I did myself the biggest favor I could have ever done. Without the strength of Christ, I seriously don't think I could have ever done it. The Lord finally gave me the strengh I had been asking for. I seriously feel like that was the first time God had ever answered my prayers, to an extent where I could physically and emotionally see it. I know God has always been there for me, but I can really see it now.

Now that I'm single and can make decisions for myself and control my own life. I've gained 26 lbs over the summer and now weigh a healthy 120 lbs! Now I just have some body toning to do and I'll look and feel great. Right now I feel fat. Lol, you would too if you went from being 94 lbs to 120 lbs in 3 months! There are so many body changes that go along with it. Not to mention pants that I can't wear anymore.

I can be myself now. I'm who I am. Not who someone else wants me to be. I feel great. I have friends now, I can go hang out with them whenever I want. I'm so making up for the last 2 1/2 years that I've lost. My junior and senior years of high school I can't quite make up for, but I can do all the things now that I would have done outside of school then. I have seriously had one of the best summers of my life. Sure, there were some bad times and I had gotten into a dangerous situation (not my fault!). But, blood is thicker than water and my brother came to my rescue.

I have the best brother and sister in the world! My parents are so awesome and I will never take them for granted! I love my entire family. I missed out on so much in 2 1/2 years and I'm so making up for it now.

There's a lot more I want to say, but I'll save your eyes for another time. Gotta be consious of my readers here. Thanks for reading. That's a little about me....in a lot of depth.

I hafta do some shout outs though.
Jon, thank you for being there for me for as long as I've known you. You always have the right words to say. I'm so glad I met you and I can't wait to spend the day with you Saturday!
Tina, Words cannot express my gratitude for your always being there. You've always had my back on everything. I love how I can just talk to you about anything. Thank you for being there for me in my times of trial. You're an awesome sister in Christ and you're like a sister to me, one that I've never met in person, but a sister none the less!
Danielle, we've known eachother since we were babies. You are my sister till the end. We have been through hell and back together and I know I can always count on you. I can't wait for you to transfer to EMCC and come back home so we can see eachother more! I love you girl! 3 Musketeers -1! Lol!

"I find rest in God; only he gives me hope. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my defender; I will not be defeated." Psalm 62:5-6

Your friends are going to have other friends....deal with it!

Sorry Jon, I know the title is a little harsh, but c'mon! She's got you wrapped around 9 out of her 10 fingers! You're totally and you're just friends!

I know, I'm awful! It just irritates the crap out of me. I can't imagine letting one of my friends have that big of a hold on me. I would seriously have to re-think my friendship. Jon hunny, I love you dearly, don't take any offense, but you know how much it bothers me and I really just need to get it out.

So, I have this friend Jon. I met him online and we started talking and he's really been there for me through all the crap I've been through. We finally met once at the end of the summer, then again a few weekends ago. It was nice, Jon is an awesome person and the friends of his that I met were really cool. All of them minus a girl we'll call Katie (lol, so that's her real name). Katie hates me! Okay, maybe not hates me, but she is seriously jealous of me when there is no reason to be. She's 16 I think? So, a little immature, but weren't we all a little immature when we were 16? That's no excuse though.

I guess Katie dosn't like me because I'm friends with Jon and she's afraid that she's going to lose him because of me. I would never let Jon do that and I know Jon would never do that! I've only been friends with him for a few months and this whole time, she has held such a grudge on me. It never really bothered me at first, screw her, ya know? But lately it's really been getting to me. Actually the night that I met Katie for the first time was when it really started to sink in. She didn't say two words to me and the whole time I felt like I could feel the hate coming out of her. Bad vibes or somethin'.

That night she left early. Probably because I was there, and I feel bad about that. I wish she could just get along with me. I'm a really nice person (atleast I think I am), and once you get to know me I can be really cool. But, if you're in the same room as me and won't talk to me...shit, I find it so disrespectful and rude that I just want to get up and slap you and make you talk to me!

After Katie left everyone else was trying to make me feel better about the situation but it was really just making it worse. I mean, why can't she like me? I don't want to steal Jon away from her, I want us all to be friends. I bet we'd have a really good time together. Today, Jon told me that Katie has agreed to try to be cool with him hanging out with me. Before, she would get so pissed that he had seen me or had talked to me. But, he says that we'll never be in the same room together and....if she's going to act like she did before, then that's a good thing because one of these days I'm going to hit the fan and Katie is really not going to like me and I won't care because atleast I know that I have tried to make an effort and I have tolerated her shit for long enough.

Whew! That kinda felt good.

Jon, you know how I feel. I guess this just goes a little deeper. I'm sure on Saturday I'll pour my heart out to you in person. Especially if I have a few too many of them orangy drinks in meh.

Alrighty, I'm out for now. See ya!

What have YOU done today?

So, I get up this morning and start cooking breakfast. Apparantly the big fry pan sucks, yes, I learned this the hard way. My damn bacon stuck to the pan and there was enough oil in there to cook the whole package....While I'm scraping bacon from the pan mom comes around the corner and says "Oh, that pan sucks for cooking bacon." No shit mom....

I haven't really accomplished much today...I ate, then got online and have been on ever since. So about...3 hours so far. I definatly need to take a shower *sniffs self* yea, a shower would be good. I'm glad I don't have to babysit today, but it also leaves me with nothing to do. Oh yea! I ran water for dishes like...20 minutes ago. I seriously have a one track mind!

So, I don't really have much else to say. I signed up for AudioBlogger, so I'll call in one of these days. Maybe Saturday when I'm with Jon at one of his friends parties. Orange Dreamcicles here I come!Lol, Jon on the left, me on the right! I can't wait! Splinter Cell on a HUGE Tv, orange dreamcicle drink in my lap...Yea baby!

Well, I need to go do some dishes then hit the shower. Get them nasty thoughts outta yer heads!

See ya 'round!

Oh yea, Bush rips and Kerry...well.......this is Kerry:

Take yer bow

So, tomorrow is voting day and I have to drag 2 brats to the town hall with me. Yippee. Man I hate babysitting. I soooo need to find a real job (no offense to anyone who babysits for a living, but it's just not my kind of thing). I'm sick of kids, tired of the same ol' Disney movies, sick of seeing the cows every damn day, sick of lying to the kid and telling her that the 4-wheeler dosn't have any gas in it when it really does, but I just don't want to see the friggin cows!

Whew, I could go on for another hour or so. Isn't it pathetic how much I let a frikin 3 year old get to me? It should be, "I'm the boss you do what I tell you to. Now sit there and don't move a damn muscle, don't talk, don't even blink or I'll lock you in that closet!" Lol, maybe I have a few issues to fix. My sister used to make me sit in the corner until mom and dad got home, then made me act like I was playing and having fun the whole time...Bitch. Nah, she's cool now. Definatly fun to drink with.

Speaking of drinking...I found my new favorite drink friday night!
The Orange Dreamcicle:
1. 1 part Vanilla Vodka (who knew there was VANILLA vodka? I could drink that shit straight!)
2. 2 parts Orange Soda
3. Tip it up and drink it down.
Good shit!

Speaking of Friday night......it was a blast. My friend Chris J. rips! He's pretty much my best friend. The only one I ever really hang out with anymore. When I was with my ex, I couldn't have any friends...(long story, I'll dish on it later). Anywho, Chris is the only of my friends that has stuck with me through everything. I mean everything. I broke his heart in JR High, then again Freshman year, he broke his leg that year and it was my fault, even though I wasn't there? I don't remember much from Sophomore year, he didn't like me JR year, then came along Senior year and we had a class together and started hanging out again. I secretly gave him rides to get cigarettes then take him home. Secretly as in, if my boyfriend at the time had known.....he would have killed me. Shit, he would have done me a favor back then. ;) Anyhow, Chris J. and I went out Friday night, smoked some good shit, had some drinks, danced, sang, and had a hell of a ride home! I think I pee'd on the side of the road about 3 times and pulled over to puke about 5 times between myself and Chris. But, I had such a blast!

Well, my girl Tina wants to read this so I'll stop now so she can read it before she has to go. I love you girl! I love you Chris J.! You're my man! Well......other than Ben.......and Andy.......but mostly Ben.......lol I'm such a stoner.......

Talk to you later!